dwell in sunshine

2011-09-12T23:40:00.000-07:00

On my grandma's birthday, I think about how much I miss her, and do my best to remember that this is the date that one of my favorite people in the world was born.
There is always an open spot in my heart for her, but not empty. How could someone like that leave you with nothing?
Thank you for what you filled me with- love, acceptance, understanding, faith, humor, and affection.
Let me be person to fill others that way, too.

2011-06-02T10:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I write, I leave out words that sound "too big" because I think it seems pretentious.

For example, I want to say "tenacity" but I say "strength" in this post.

2011-04-06T17:30:00.000-07:00

Knowing how to feel and actually feeling that way are two things that rarely meet- for me, at least- in times of sorrow.

I sat with my sister and mother and aunts and a few cousins yesterday and sang around my Grandma's bed as she went home. ( I prayed for a miracle, even when we removed the things keeping her alive...I could imagine her eyes open and her head cleared...I waited for someone to come in and say, "This is a mistake. She's getting better!") We guarded her last moments, kept her company as she moved on, and mourned that a life so full could not continue forever.
At least here.
But as I know this, my heart is aching. My body is as tired as if I have just arrived after a long journey, and my attention has attached itself to some bird and flown off to brighter places. This empty feeling is the result of a love for a woman who shaped me, molded me, fought for me- and sometimes with me- and loved me, and everything I did for her was never enough to show how grateful I was.
But...I already posted about that, and told her that, and it isn't those things I regret.
I just miss her. I hate to think of the things that will pass without her presence, her knowledge, her approval or disapproval.
Last night Rosie and I put our babies to sleep at the house in Oxnard, and spent hours keeping our pain at bay until we were tired enough to sleep. I had a dream- the kind of dream you have immediately upon sleeping, that comes on you without preamble.
In my dream, my Grandma lay on the hospital bed that we had seen her breath her last breath, and although she was missing all of the tubes and wires that had been there before, she looked much like those first moments when her heart had stopped. Then, gradually, but rapidly, health and vitality spread through her skin and limbs and she opened her eyes- they twinkled- with purpose and wellness and even joy. She sat up... and I sat up, in bed, thinking, "She's alive again!"
I realized the dream, and went back to sleep, but the dream stayed with me all night, and when I woke up in the morning, my grief was forgotten, for a time, at least, and I know that a miracle had occurred.

I know it, but what I feel is something else.

2011-03-28T13:42:00.000-07:00

Grandma, You're not gone yet from this place, and although I know that where you're going, there will be endless Canasta games and food that will always be delicious, and no one will argue in front of you...not to mention all of the mysteries that an intelligent mind can handle, and books galore- no matter how small the print is, you'll be able to read it....although I know that the hardships of this world won't be causing you any trouble any more, I'm going to miss so much about you.

I'd like to believe that I've been singularly blessed with you, but it's not true. The person that I have been blessed enough to call my Grandma has been many things to many people. I was never more aware of this when I was at the hospital reading to you...and I read Proverbs 31 to you. "The Woman Who Fears The Lord," I read, "Grandma, it's about you." You rolled your eyes at me. I knew that you knew these verses, but they did apply to you, and I won't ever be able to read them without thinking of you.

So let me thank you now, Grandma, even though you probably won't ever read this. I want to say it all- in one place- while you're still in this sphere, while we still share the same air.

Thank you Grandma, for giving me an example of what a good wife looks like in real life- Umpa certainly sees you as worth more than jewels, more than olive trees, even.

Thank you for showing me how to support my husband- your husband has seen no lack of gain, and I know that you were his partner in it all. I would be as instrumental to my husband's success as you.

Thank you for showing me how to do good to my husband...even when it seems as though you have reason to wish him harm.

Thank you for caring what I wore and how I looked. I will wear make-up more often, for you. I will buy colors other than black and brown and gray, for you.

Thank you for feeding us so well and so often. I don't care how our waistlines look, you made sure that every bite was given in love.

Thank you for numerous meals eaten out together, thank you for taking the time to eat with me, even when I had my babies to disrupt everything.

Thank you for caring for us all, for making sure that each of your children and grandchildren were taken care of.

Thank you for caring about what was fair, even when we didn't deserve it.

Thank you for making a home full of warmth and light- a home that welcomed so many of your family members when they had no other place to turn to.

Thank you for going wherever you went dressed with grace and dignity, for clothing yourself well, but not ridiculously.

Thank you for caring more about the quality of your clothing rather than the label.

Thank you for walking endless miles with me, for doing all that you could while your body still let you. Remember when we went bowling together? Remember taking me shopping for my eighteenth birthday? Remember dancing at weddings?

Thank you for showing me the true value of things- material and spiritual.

Thank you for always being available to me- and all of your family- at all hours of the night. The lamp of your love never went out.

Thank you for never shying away from a task, for always having a willing heart- or if you didn't- for never showing it.

Thank you for showing me from a very young age, how to have compassion on those less fortunate.

Thank you for leading by example in giving to the poor, to show me how your love for family extended beyond the walls of your home and bloodlines.

Thank you for praying for us, for coming to the Lord for us, for remembering each of us- our families and children, our friends and loved ones, our heartaches and loves. We never had to fear that we would be lost in the great whiteness of the world. Your concern for us marked us with scarlet, so that we stood out as people from a great and loving family.

Thank you for keeping us warm and close- for never letting a need pass without addressing it, for giving even when it was unappreciated or taken advantage of.

Thank you for passing on an understanding that people deserve respect, for honoring Umpa so that we would, too.

Thank you for making a family that people know- a husband that is known by the others and whose word is strong.

Thank you for being a wife that made that possible.

Thank you, despite your dislike of sewing-is dislike too weak a word?- for making certain that we were always clothed...even in the times when my parents couldn't make sure that was true. Thank you for letting me dress the way I wanted, even if you called me Sister Mary Sarah for all of the dark colors I liked.

Thank you for never letting me feel like you loved me less because you didn't like the way I dressed.

Thank you for laughing at the future, for seeing good everywhere, for not being afraid of what this world had to offer, even if you had reason to.

Thank you for meeting each moment with strength and dignity. It was seven years ago that you told me that my father was not alive, but I won't forget your face when you said it, and how you were there to care for me.

Thank you for our car ride conversations, when as a teenager I was able to ask any question I wanted and be answered with understanding and kindness.

Thank you for always treating me as though what I said was important to you.

Thank you for teaching me kindness.

"Her children rise up and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Grandma, charm may be deceitful, and beauty, vain, but a woman of the Lord is to be praised. "Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates."

There is nowhere I can go that I won't be reminded of you, and what you have shown me, and what you have taught me. If only I can be half the woman you are, I will consider myself blessed. You know how I love you, how much I've treasured knowing you, and how grateful I will forever be that I was granted the time I have had with you.

I still pray for a miracle, and am hoping, if God wills it, that we will play Canasta soon at your kitchen table.

If not there, then in heaven. Keep a couple decks shuffled.

The Civil Wars - "My Father's Father"

2011-03-03T20:37:00.000-08:00

I love how they look at each other. I just wish that Paste magazine was still up and running enough to have sent me a c.d. with this song on it.

2011-01-29T20:18:00.000-08:00

Look at that! What a nice husband I have. He likes me, I think.

My Terrible Friend- The Daylight Here

2011-01-06T00:17:00.000-08:00

(My Terrible Friend- The Daylight Here)
I love this song. It made me want to share it with Rosie.

2010-09-21T14:05:00.000-07:00

"It is startling, perhaps, to consider that the continuance of slavery was so thoroughly interwoven with the politics of freedom. In the course of my research for this book, I have come to believe that the American Republic would not have survived its early years- would not have made it to the war of 1812- if it had not been fueled and funded by two profound acts of ethnic violence: the establishment of slavery and the annexation of Native American land, both of which practices played a major part in the inception and conduct of the Revolution. The freedom- economic, social, and intellectual- enjoyed by the vocal and literate elite of the early Republic would have been impossible if it had not been for the enslavement, displacement, and destruction of others."

-from the Astonishing Life of Octavian Nothing, Traitor to the Nation, Volume II- The Kingdom on the Waves, author's note, page 564

2010-02-13T23:42:00.000-08:00

This is Josh Tate. This is my husband.

I first met Josh at Camp Maranatha, at the round staff table. He was sitting with a bunch of the other staff boys, and I don't remember him from any other boy there, not at that moment. I do remember our conversations, our arguments, and our flirtations over the next three weeks...I remember clearly the first letter I got from him while he was still at camp and I was back at home in which he told me that camp just wasn't the same without me.

I now know that it was empty flirtation at that point, but it doesn't matter. I was hooked. I wrote in my diary, in a very painful and self-aware sixteen-year-old way that I thought that I was in love with him in October of 1994.

The best thing that ever happened to me was that Josh, somewhere in our letters over the next year, fell in love with me. I told Lisa, about Josh, when I first met her, that, "I would marry Josh Tate."

I think, though, that I felt like I had imagined how he was as the year went on. A month of getting to know someone, and then ten months of only letters, makes for a strange series of dips and swells of emotion, and by the time we met up again at camp in 1995, I had another boyfriend.

I'm not proud to say that I flirted a lot that summer- probably a good indicator that I should not have had a serious boyfriend at that point- but I couldn't seem to keep myself from it.

Josh Tate was then, and is now, a remarkable person, the kind of person you meet rarely. He was more than I thought a boy could be at that age, intellectual, kind, funny, interesting...I left thinking that three months around this person made the last year of my life pale.

This is how it's always been. Life is better with Josh around. It's palatable.

The next summer we started dating, and I ended up following him to Houghton, and we were engaged and married a little more than seven years after we first met.

This year is the sixteenth year that I have known Josh- that I've been able to call him my friend, that I've loved him- and as I am going to be 32 in April, that's a fairly good chunk of my life.

For half of my lifetime, I've been blessed to know Josh Tate. I would not go back in time to fix any mistake I've made, correct any flaw I could change, if only because I would never want to walk a path that led me anywhere but to him.

Thanks be to God.

(Happy Valentine's Day, Josh. It may be fat, but you know you like it. And if you don't, I might chase you around the a-frame again.)

2010-01-08T22:15:00.001-08:00

My new favorite song...and as I hear it, a song about marriage.
We may have lost what we had, but what we find will be better.

2009-09-25T12:23:00.000-07:00

If my family does anything well, it eats well. I liked the variety of our spread at our family reunion so much that I took some pictures for you to see what strange and fantastic things we Italians eat...sometimes. My mom's watermelon, grown in her yard- not really Italian, but HUGE.

What my family calls salzits (sahl-zeets) but everyone else calls Italian sausages.

Corn on the cob, also not Italian, and not grown in my mom's yard, either. I took this one to make Josh salivate.

What is left of two fritats, made by my cousin Paul and Umpa- most people call these fritattas.

Oops. Missed this one- my mom made four pasdons (pahz-downs) but they were all eaten before I took these pictures. She used my Great-Aunt Connie's recipe...apparently these are a special dish for around Lent. They are a lot like a quiche, but sweet, with ground beef and bacon.
I only saw three pans here, though...

The most delicious biscotti I have ever had, homemade by some cousin. I was looked at strangely for calling these bis-cah-tti. I am only a quarter Italian, and that is not Italian enough to call it bis-COE-tti. Sorry, O.G. family members. I let you down. (But the truth is, the man who made this isn't even Italian. He just married in!)

Olives, of course.

Figs, from some cousin's tree.

Oh! That's where the last pasdon went....I watched Uncle Crue slowly eat this one down to crumbs while he talked to the older generation.

He did share with Uncle Beany.

I had to take a picture before they consumed it all. Those are some good victuals!

2009-09-06T15:45:00.000-07:00

I'm playing Fantasy Football with a bunch of boys. I want to have an appropriately scary picture to put on. I took this- but then I decided I needed to somehow look extra-girly and still like a (foot) baller. I put on makeup and earrings and a Redskins hat.

I realized that my glasses were very dirty. I cleaned them and took some more.

Oops. Forgot the hat.

Tough, huh? I bet none of the other guys are putting this much work into their profile picture!

2009-06-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

We left at two-thirty for Temecula...we didn't get home until ten-thirty, and I didn't worry about the kidlings hardly at all since Lisa was watching them (for a marathon 8 hours.) We walked around, browsed peacefully, ate dinner at El Torito, and watched a movie. It was wonderful.
I only took pictures at El Torito, and one of us in the movie theatre before the movie began.

Josh liked his chile rellenos on a chip.

Josh liked his Diet Pepsi.

Mmmm....dessert.

Josh liked dessert.

I took this one with a short arm.

Josh took this one with his longer one.

Star Trek, good times.

2009-06-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

My husband risked life and limb to pick me some wild flowers for our eighth anniversary.

I don't think that these are worth the risk, but it sure was nice.

2009-06-18T13:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, males, I don't mind if you read this at all, but it does contain references to body parts that some of you may be unfamiliar with, or made uncomfortable by, so be warned. I do want female readers to read this and tell me if I missed something important...some things I left out on purpose, but I feel like I'm forgetting something.

This will be my fourth hospital birth- the other three I enjoyed to varying degrees...the births have all been wonderful, the stays afterward not so great, but this is how we do it.

Sarah's Birth Plan

I know that all births differ, and I have confidence that the nurses and doctor will do all they can for me if an emergency arises, however, I believe that childbirth is a natural process with productive pain, and I desire as few medical interventions as possible. I would like this birth to be as unencumbered as possible, which means that I do not want any drugs for pain, or for contracting, and I would like the freedom to move around as much as possible. I believe that a calm and comfortable mother can best deliver a healthy baby, even if that means neglecting some commonly used medications and tools. I desire a safe and healthy delivery, so I am listing my preferences, and I am willing to discuss anything. I have come into all of my children’s births with excitement and a certain amount of enjoyment, and I hope that this birth can be as calm and quiet as I would like, with staff that share my joy at welcoming our fourth child into this world.

1. No I.V. An I.V. will be unnecessary in my birthing except in case of emergency, and it hampers my movements and comfort during labor, therefore, I will sign a release stating that I do not want it. I have been in a hospital before, and seen how quickly a trained nurse can put an I.V. in, and I have confidence that in an emergency, any staff person will be able to care for me just as adequately as if I had had an I.V. in already.
2. No pain medication of any sort. If I desire it at any time, I will ask.
3. No episiotomy. I understand that the alternative may be tearing, and I feel like this may be the better route. (However, I have had three babies, and it has never been an issue.)
4. I will allow fetal monitoring as long as I am comfortable. In the last stages of pregnancy, I will be moving too much to allow for much lying down. I prefer to labor on my feet.
5. I will not have an enema.
6. I do not want to be induced except in case of emergency. I have been at least a week overdue with every child, and almost two weeks with my first, and I am willing to wait that long for this baby. I feel very sure that my body will labor as it needs to, at the speed it desires, and I do not want petocin to hasten labor.
7. I also do not want petocin at any point of my stay at the hospital, not even to contract the uterus after delivery, unless there is an emergency. I will be massaging my uterus, and I will be nursing, both of which will be enough to get my uterus back to the place and shape it needs to be, as well as decrease bleeding. I did not have it with my last birth, and I do not react well to it, so unless it is an emergency situation, I will not allow any.
8. All interventions not mentioned above should only be employed if there is a sound medical reason to do so, and not, “just in case.”
9. I would like the baby to be in my arms for the first HOUR at least, with initial care of the baby done while the baby is on my body.
10. I will be breastfeeding only, so no bottles, pacifiers, or formula is to be given to the baby.
11. The baby will stay in my room at all times, unless I or my husband is with him.
12. I desire open communication with the nurses who care for me and my baby. I will do my best to make your job easy as long as I am told what is happening at all times.
13. I would not like the baby to receive eye medication unless there has been clear indication of an infection.

2009-05-27T11:13:00.000-07:00

We conversed around the table the last night of Job and Jamin's visit. Paul and Cyndi came up for the night, and took the two Vermonters to the airport- sad for us, because we missed out on one more night with everyone, but nice for Job and Jamin, I guess, and Paul and Cyndi, because they got to eat out and party with the Hutchins' Wii.

After the kids are in bed, though, is the perfect time for visiting. We were slackers this time- no fun planned, no games played- except for Atari- and not much entertainment, but the visit was wonderful, and next time...

Two sleepy girls...we did look at lots of old picture- we had to find a picture of Paul at Julie and Lance Fogle's wedding- it was a staff activity that all of us remembered, but Paul, and we had to convince him that he was there.

We found the picture.

He was there.

Josh and I took pictures of each other.

We had been in Walmart, randomly, last week, and bought a huge box of otter pops. we don't normally shop there, because I am much more of a Target person, but my foot hurt, and we wanted to get up the hill fast.

Paul and Cyndi liked them.

You wonder why I don't post more often? Even when we have something to do, we don't really do anything. What a nice life, I think.

2009-05-02T17:13:00.000-07:00

This is my crepe cake. Josh made it for me for my birthday. He made lots of crepes, as well, and we consumed them, too.

From scratch, as all of Josh's breakfast masterpieces are.

That's love, no? I felt very appreciated.

I couldn't guess what was in the big box...

...but I had so many others to guess at, too! We ate lunch at the beach, and then went to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. It was a very pleasant day. I like 31.

2009-04-17T22:15:00.001-07:00

Josh and I went on a date the night before my birthday. Josh told me first that we were going to the bookstore to pick out ANY BOOK I WANTED. So many choices!
I picked out a Nigella Lawson cookbook. It was nice to walk around a bookstore unencumbered by children. I love bookstores...any type, really.
We went out after that to TGI Fridays for some hot wings (in memory of college days) and a banana split.

Josh thought that the first two pictures of me were bad- I think that they're funny. I rarely see a picture of myself that looks how I think I look, so I post them all. Why not? That person is not me.

Mmmm. Banana split. I like going on dates more now than I ever have.

2009-04-07T09:02:00.001-07:00

Our friend Nicole Nafziger-Erickson came out for a too short visit at the beach house. It was fun, all of us being with child...we documented the event.

It was pretty funny.

I almost died from laughing.

Rosie took this one of herself.

Then we posed nicely while Nicole freshened herself up. Lisa was not in the other pictures for obvious reasons.

Nicole came back...

We had just finished a rousing game of Settlers of Catan...Nicole won. What fun the beach is! what a nice vacation it is!

2009-03-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

i bought a new purse about a month ago- leather, brown, with criss-crossing strips of leather on the front. it was my first grown-up purse, and i suffer a little vertigo whenever i look at it...but on the way home from the conference, i spilled, upended, emptied the contents of my full chai latte into it. an hour from home, i just poured out the soup of contents onto a beach towel and was sad.
my bible, inside- untouched. my wallet was not even in my purse at the time. my book club book was soaked, but still readable...the brunt of the injury was taken by my journal...started in december of 2002, still only half finished.
i tried to wipe it down, but apparently it wants to hold in the moisture. today, five days later, i opened it to find it still damp, and smelling of mold. sure enough, little black spots showed up in the midst of my inane scrawling.
what to do? the binding is shot. the pages are wrinkled, and possibly a health hazard. i can't throw it away...this is the journal of my early marriage with josh, the expectation and birth of all of my children, the death of my father...and all of the ridiculous, undeserved, and merited emotion that has plagued me in the last six and a half years.

i don't know what to do.

2009-03-12T16:53:00.000-07:00

My grandma took Rosie and I out for dinner- my mom stayed at home to watch the kids. We went to Chi-chi's- one of the most delicious places to eat ANYWHERE.

I connect Chi-Chi's with my father, who loved the place. It was our family restaurant, and it is impossible to beat their linguini in white clam sauce or tiramisu. I could go for another helping right about now.

It was really just wonderful to be with my grandma without distractions. I miss living near her- it is one of the only drawbacks I have found to getting married and moving out of my parent's house, and having children.

All good things come at a price.

2009-03-05T08:52:00.000-08:00

Here's my husband, you might know him.....

Bobcat Joshy!

2009-03-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

A slew of pictures, for no good reason.
Mom and Grandma with Rosie and Sarah- 1979

Umpa with some of his granddaughters- Trina, Angie, Cherice, Sarah, and Rosie.

My Mom with Rosie and I on the cliffs at Leo Carrillo Beach.

One hot Momma (mine!) walking Rosie in the stroller- I'm up ahead- in front of Grandma and Umpa's house in Sylmar. 1980

25 year old Annie with Rosie on the grass in front of her parent's house, Sylmar, 1980.

Annie as a teenager- 14? 15? at her house in Sylmar.

High School friends- Tori, Terry, and Kristine

Cherice, John, and Matt, and spaz Sarah (no wonder they called me weird.)

My eighteenth birthday party, 1996- with Kristy, Ryan and Jason- so proud I can blow out a candle or two.

Chantal and Evan, Mike and Mike, Mark, Rosie, and Ryan. Chili's Northridge, 1995/6

Diana and Darryl Perito at my house in Sylmar.

Chris Slater and Mike Slausser and Mike at camp, 1990.

Rosie and I with the Yonemotos and camp people, 1986 or 1987

Aunt Roseanne with baby Faith at Matt and Michelle's California reception, 2004.

Camp Maranatha people, 1986 or 1987

Matt and Grandma, at his reception in Camarillo, 2004.

Matt and Michelle, 2004

Marcia, Flange and Paul Fusano at their house.

My favorite little cousins- David, Marcia, Tony and Andy...not all of my favorites, of course!

Ellie and Rosie at our house, 1993

Aunt Roxanna and Bowden, Villisca, 2004

Christina and Donovan, Arvada, Colorado, 2004

Sandy and Griff, Lancaster, New York 2004

Ellie and me at my 14th birthday party

Cherice and Mike, Mother's Day 1996

Nicole Perez and I, 1996 at Rosie's surprise party

Terryl, Jason and Kristy, at Rosie's birthday party, 1996

2 or 3 year old Sarah in a tree.

Baby Rosie, 1980.

Baby Tony Rini and I at my Sylmar house.

Terryl and Rosie, 1996

My 14th birthday- 1992, North Hills- including Deva Kyle, Marcia Muller, Megumi H., Amy Messigian, Katy Deburgh, Jessica Nolin, Jennifer Wolf, and Kathryn Ostermier...

Gib, Jerome, Angie and I at our graduation party, 1996.

Rosie's 9th grade graduation, 1993

Matt Fusano at Herrick Elementary.

2009-03-02T09:36:00.001-08:00

I had a spa party at my house. My friend Katie Bayer sells Sensaria lotions and face washes, so I hostessed a party for her. It was good fun, washing our faces. I don't think anyone liked having their picture taken, so I told Lisa to take some of me- to show that I wasn't skeered.

I like spa parties. I like children's birthday parties, I like baby and wedding showers, I like parties in general. I like washing my face in public. I used a super face scrub on my face, and am here looking at the little apricot pit all ground up that just exfoliated my visage.

That's right, I ain't skeered. I wonder if you have ever seen this face...I don't know that I have ever made it before or since.

2008-12-18T09:22:00.000-08:00

How was Florida, you ask?
Here are the pictures!
This is the only picture I took of Mr. Ping in Florida, right outside of the airport. Sorry, Josh.

I have been posting my "adult" pictures on potenttates, and I feel abashed at the waste of space on that blog...and the pointless talk of myself when you could be hearing about those chickens.

In a spirit of love and reconciliation, as befits the Christmas season, I have come back to my grown-up blog for the purpose of posting my trip to Orlando, Florida- a magical adventure bereft of small ones, and thereby allowing a mama three uninterrupted nights of sleep.

I didn't take many pictures- we were too busy attending the general sessions and taking buses to and from our hotel, a good two miles from the nearest bus stop. We had a long break on Tuesday, and we walked Downtown Disney and saw an awful movie. Wednesday was the conference included trip to Epcot, so we spent the three hours between the general conferences that day enjoying the resort we were too late to join.

We took a little siesta on the hammocks near the possibly alligator infested pond, over the white imported sand. I got a bit of a sunburn.

I actually slept for a bit, but Lisa claimed to enjoy her relaxing just as much despite the lack of a nap.

The Coronado Springs Resort had a lake-like pond. I discovered that almost all Disney Resorts in Orlando do.

I had been wanting a delicious dessert...or two...from the resort's bakery, so we relaxed with Perrier and grapefruit juice and a creme brulee and eclair. I ate everything all by myself, big girl that I am.

Lisa at the cabana near the cantina. Coronado Springs has a Latin America feel to it, and is so big that there are four stops on the tram to let you off at different parts.

While waiting in line for Soarin', there were four large screens with bizarre, pleasant, and interesting landscapes. Later the screen became an interactive game, which made the hour wait for a five minute ride less tedious.

All us line waiters.

At the end of the night at Epcot there was a firework show- and it seemed like we were a little too close to it...but I LOVE fireworks, so it was very fun, especially after we had moved away from the show a little.

We left shortly after this, and took one bus ride back to our hotel...a nice way to end the night.

We came home and I saw this little guy on the wall, and I took a picture for Bowden...I missed the opossum, the alligator, deer, and turkeys we saw, but I got the frog.

It was an overall good trip- full of excellent speakers and good "networking" time, but I missed my children and my husband...that's my place, at least for now, and I am unfulfilled out of it.

2008-07-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

What lurks behind our garden wall? There it sat, fat and shiny on its web. It must have known my intentions, because it scurried- darted- back into its nest.
I couldn't get a good shot of it...it was reclusive.
Easily as big as those garden spiders I've seen back East.
Most bugs I like.

Spiders, not so much.
This spider, in particular, is my least favorite.

I told Josh I had seen the biggest black widow I'd ever seen, and he went out and squashed it.

2008-05-20T21:54:00.000-07:00

Newsies Quiz

If Lisa can do it about Seinfeld, I can do it about Newsies.

See if you can get the answers. I'll let you know in a week.

1. When the circulation bell starts ringin', will they hear it?

2. Mush asks Jack how he slept. How did Jack sleep?

3. What is the name of the missing son that the mother sings to in the first song?

4. After they open the gates, what will they then do?

5. Where does Jack want to go?

6. Even though they ain't got hats or badges, what are they?

7. If there are hard times, what should you do?

8. If you were the King of New York, what is one of the many privileges you might enjoy?

9.What if the Delancey's come out swingin'...will they hear it?

10.What do real newsies call newspapers?

2008-05-20T21:51:00.001-07:00

Upon noticing that he had unzipped his down coat after being left for dead on Mt. Everest, Mr. Lincoln Hall thought that there could have been two reasons for it.
"One, I had rejected the Cloak of Death. Or I was suffering from the late stages of hypothermia."

That's right. The Cloak of Death.

2008-04-09T15:18:00.001-07:00

My hands belong to someone older than a thirty-year-old, I think.Excessive washing has made them dry and cracked.
I mean, I still bite my nails, which adds a certain adolescence to them, but I do it now because longer nails get in the way...(partly.)
The dry air on the mountain does not help them out.

The shoes, now, the shoes...
...all plastic and red and shiny, making my feet sweat and clicking so happily on most any surface I tread...
...the shoes make me feel 8 or 9. I like that- not all of the time, but they do come off.

2008-04-08T22:36:00.000-07:00

Oh-ho, I took some pictures of myself.Which should be my profile shot?
I like the face on my profile to reflect the mood of my comments. So if I say, "You stink" and this is the face, then you know I'm joking.
Or that I don't like whatever I said.
Or I'm pensive and deep...or something.
Hey! Just kidding!!!
What is it that you mean? I am too sloppy to understand!

2008-02-24T09:45:00.000-08:00

I cut my hair this morning. I'm not sure if I like it.

My husband and I call this the ugly-bang-hair-cut.
I'm afraid it might just be ugly.
Whoa!!!!
Maybe I'll like it more as I get used to it.
Maybe if I smile, you won't notice that I did it myself. I resolve to never cut my own bangs again.

2008-02-11T22:08:00.000-08:00

Lisa found a bone in the woods, and we wondered what it had been. I left Jack with some staff girls and took Bowden to see it while Lucy was napping.
I am guessing that coyotes got it- they are thick in our forest.

Recently it found it's way down behind Lisa's apartment.

2008-01-10T22:25:00.000-08:00

(Who cares about losing weight? This whole thing makes me sick.)
Happy Thirtieth Birthday, Joshy!!!! May you eat yourself sick on tater-tots and ham!

2007-10-10T21:02:00.000-07:00

11 pounds and holding. Or fluctuating- a pound or so- either way. Vacation for a week will not be too good for my fat fight, but will be very good for my spirit. I'll take fat and happy over skinny and miserable any day.
Jolly, fat, and rolly. That's for me.

I really don't want a perm.

2007-08-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

So...the weigh-in is tonight, and I have lost 11 pounds so far...but after tonight I hope it will still be 11 pounds- because I have eaten badly. I made a chocolate dream pie for a visit with our friends the whites, and had a piece, and then it sat in my fridge and I ate three more. A person on a diet does not eat five pieces of pie!!!!!

I am afraid that I am going to gain weight. What a pain. (I'm actually not feeling too bad, because the chocolate gave me a happy perspective on life. Chocolate-colored, or flavored, glasses, if you will.)

Tonight the staff comes over and we made whoopie pies, also known as "lard cookies." We'll see how we hold up.

2007-08-08T07:51:00.000-07:00

So, this lardo is getting slightly smaller. The second weeks weigh-in showed a happy three-pound loss for me, but the scale's reliability was questionable, so Lisa bought a new scale, and we all suddenly lost about 12 pounds.

Good thing the scale went that way.

I have lost about 7 pounds in the last three weeks, thanks to nursing and dessert-skipping. This week, my fatness will not go down, I think. I cheated it up.

It's too bad, but I'll buckle down. The next update will be on Friday, and I'll try to blog again on Saturday.

2007-07-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

So Lisa and Josh and I are on a quest to lose some weight. We started a week ago and weighed in at a total of 591 lbs.

I am avoiding punch and sodas, the two desserts served every day here at camp, and excess fat. It's modified, of course, because I'm nursing, and because I have to avoid dairy, spicy food, tomatoes, peppers, onion, and garlic for sensitivo Jack. Oh, man.

We weighed ourselves again yesterday- one week later- and lost a total of nine pounds together! I lost the least, at two pounds, but I'm okay with it, don't worry about me!

I'm hoping to get down to 125. The last time I weighed less than 150 was when I had gallstones and couldn't eat for two weeks....I weighed 135. We'll see how it goes. I'm committed through January. Lisa and Josh will be posting about it, too, I think, so I'll them talk about themselves.

2007-05-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

Pray for my brother, Job, who is off to join the Navy tomorrow. He wouldn't ever let me call him brother without letting people know he's my brother-in-law...but I am as worried and saddened as if he was born of my mother and father, and raised in our crazy clan.

2007-03-30T20:38:00.000-07:00

There is a myth about wishes.

The myth is not that they exist, but rather that they must be found, or caught, or bought.

The truth is, we all have at least three wishes of our own, and most of us have used them all up.
Our wishes become good when we hit that point just past adolescence, when we finally Wake Up to ourselves and the world around us. They require no magic word, no spell...just a strong desire felt in an almost frantic way to make them come to pass.

You may have missed them because they do not occur with puff of smoke, or a melodic jingle.

Most likely, you missed them because they were about something so run-of-the-mill, everyday, ordinary that they did very little to alter the course of your life.

Who knows? I used one wisely, and only later realized that I had used any at all. The rest have disappeared in the exhaustion of little sleep, or the craziness of family gatherings.

2007-02-07T17:19:00.000-08:00

Took this in Banning for my husband. In his words, "We're everywhere!"

2007-02-07T17:16:00.000-08:00

The spread from Superbowl Sunday. Rotel, Fondue, Doritos, Hot Wings and Root Beer Floats. And this was the post-halftime treat. The half-time food was provided by the amazing Paula Shirley, mmm,mmm,mmmm.

2007-01-22T14:17:00.000-08:00

The fountain froze while running.

2007-01-19T18:50:00.000-08:00

Hey Jobie- look! This is the word I got to type in with Lisa's last post. Don't be jealous...I know it's....tempting....

2006-11-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

Around the time that Rosie and Justin had their reception, our mountain was set on fire by a man with strange desires. The Esperanza Fire resulted in the death of five fire-fighters, one from Idyllwild. I am so humbled and grateful that these men died to save our town, and other mountain towns near us.
I have been arguing with a few friends of mine about war, and shockingly, a verse they use to support their decision is the verse that speaks about Christ's death...how there is nothing greater than for someone to give their life for their friends...while a soldier's death is a sacrafice, the killing of others is not really part of that equation.
The death of these men reveals the truth of the words...that in a situation where we can do nothing for ourselves, lives are given over in an effort to save us. The men did not go out seeking to kill, but to protect. They went with the knowledge that they might die, but knowing that if they did nothing, no one else would do it.
I have no idea how to say this with eloquence, only that I need to say it...thank you, thank you, thank you.

2006-10-22T00:38:00.000-07:00

I have not been using this blog wisely. I have a feeling it will undergo a severe change in direction, as I am feeling very pulled toward some serious and important issues.
I would start tonight, but it is late, and the siren song of internet on the couch cannot lure me any longer,

2006-10-21T00:29:00.000-07:00

Not the best picture, I grant, but definitely worthy of posting if only for the reason that I made soft pretzels the other day, and we ate them up in under 50 minutes. The recipe is from my good friend Abigail's recipe blog, which I go to and drool over quite a bit. Lisa has better pictures, as she partook in the partaking. I did not make dinner, because we were all too full on pretzels, but I did give the chilluns some crumbs of cheese and meat to tide them over 'til breakfast.

2006-10-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

We have undertaken a very dangerous and spine-tingling adventure. It is scary at times, and always exhausting, but well worth it, if the prize is what it is meant to be.
Wednesdays are our small group junior high Bible studies, with eight boys and two girls from 12 to 14. It is chaos. Their mental abilities are far beyond Bowden's, but their maturity levels are just about even. Last week I had to tell Alex to stop licking his feet while Josh was talking. Tonight we had a farting war between three of the boys, who were alternately disgusted by the flatulence and amused by it.
Sometimes they get it. Sometimes we talk about big isuues, and they respond with meaningful and pertinent answers.
Mostly it just dissolves into stories about the girls at school who make fun of the bad kid, who everyone says really is "cool." Or we hear five million stories about a friend who got shot, or an aunt's friend's son who did this weird thing somewhere.
We have to split up, since it has been determined that six kids are all we can really have and get involved...but really, I don't want to give any of them up.
I am mostly surprised at how much "policing" it takes to get through a night without dissolving into Lord of the Flies.
They'll eat cookies until they burst, like overfed goldfish.
And they are all shockingly cool kids, with amazing things in their heads and hearts...if you can get to it.

2006-10-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

I don't like Fall, and here's why.
It is too cold. It is not mild, it is cold, and it reminds me how unfairly the year is divided into portions of mostly coldness...
It is the death knell of summer and I love summer.
It signals the beginning of cold and flu season.
It is the uncomfortable waiting room to the winter season, when really I just want to get the whole thing over with...
It makes my feet slightly chilly in my sandals, sometimes.
The days are too short!
It makes me feel a little haggy, as evidenced in the picture.

All this to say,
Fall, go home!

And don't try to pass yourself off as "Autumn."

2006-10-08T22:11:00.000-07:00

Oh, Abigail. You'll be so proud. I am not from a farm, nor from a cooking family, really, but look...chicken soup from scratch, and not even any base from anywhere else!!!!

But...I didn't kill and pluck the chicken myself...and I'm not sure who did....but I did forage for it! (....in the camp refridgerator...)

2006-10-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

Bienvenidos! I went to the U.S. Foods Foodshow last Wednesday with Lisa, Jeannie and Cameo, where we sampled many foods and got free ice cream at the end! We posed with this gentlemen, but none of my shots came out, so enjoy the two girls with ice cream.

2006-10-03T10:54:00.000-07:00

Lost!!!!

I feel terrible that I complained. Spat must have gotten out when Bowden or Lucy came in from the porch- she has snuck out a few times- but that was three days ago, and she hasn't come home. I'm very sad and feel guilty...but I have been sleeping pretty well...

2006-09-30T22:38:00.000-07:00

Stop it the answer is no I told you it's broken are you happy now deal with it.

Deal with it.

2006-09-25T00:26:00.000-07:00

What is this cat good for?
Okay, so there are no more mouse droppings in the pantry. Apparently the "roughing up" Spat the Cat gives the mice she finds is enough to keep them from coming back. She's all play, no kill. I like that about her.
But I do not like how she has taken to coming up the stairs mmrrowing at 12am, 1am, and so on. I do not like that she attacks my ankles as I walk up the stairs, even if she's gentle. I especially do not like her unrequited desire to come in bed with me early, early, early in the morning and harass me with her mrrows and fluffy tail.
I really hate changing the kitty's litter.

2006-09-25T00:23:00.000-07:00

My two Paulson-ish siblings!

2006-09-18T21:42:00.000-07:00

Ladies night out, Camp Marantha style.
We went to the Chili's in Hemet where Lisa had to pay for her Chili's food for the first time in 6 years. Bobbi was cut out of the photo, unfortunately, but all of the cooks but Kelly were there.
Not that you'd know. I am giving up. What a waste.

2006-09-16T22:57:00.000-07:00

Mmm...Enchiladas Verdes. Lisa made us one of the most wonderful dishes I've had in a long time. If there was a restaurant that only served green enchiladas, made this way, I would eat there constantly. As it is, I've had green enchiladas at least four times this week....mmmm....
They are made of shredded chicken rolled in corn tortillas that were heated in oil, covered lightly with green tomatillo salsa (we used Herdez mild salsa.) They are then mostly hidden by chopped lettuce (romaine) and fresh Ranchero cheese is crumbled over that. White onion, ringed, goes on top of that, and it is finished off with a drizzling of Crema Mexicana (both the cheese and cream were Cacique brand.)

Basically, I didn't think I could love Lisa any more, but apparently my stomach had a tiny bit more room for some Lisa-love. Just kidding. I am super grateful to her for this meal...and always will be.
Did I mention, mmmmm.....?

2006-09-16T22:54:00.000-07:00

We played bridge- now that Justin is here, we have a reliable fourth. Look at my hand during that last game. I hoped that Josh would bid a daimond hand, but it didn't happen.

2006-09-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Happy Day in grand style. We woke up late, meandered through the morning, took showers, and then went down the hill to Temecula. We ate at Red Robin, bought Lucy a halloween costume, and bought long lollipops from the sweet shop.
Realizing that we only had an hour before kick-off, we hurried home. On the rather bumby ride home, Lisa offered me her steely arm to keep myself from sliding around...all I know is, the strain on her psyche may have been too much, and I ended up making her cry.
With laughter.
I did it, too.
We got home, and made Ro-tel and hot wings and polenta for us chicks, and watched the Redskins lose. So Happy Day ended a little earlier than hoped.
Still, we all wore the hat.

2006-09-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

For my little brother, Job.

gubanatorial-Ah-nold
memphis-elvis
atoll-bikini
washington-white house
redskins-victory!

Sorry to disappoint- i'm not so deep, okay?

2006-09-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

Who is letterboxing in Nanticoke, New York?

2006-09-06T00:18:00.000-07:00

I could not help but love this man. Who else would nap with his hand in his pocket? My heart is all a-flutter.

2006-09-05T23:56:00.000-07:00

I had not see Justin David Wentzell, my new brother, since 2002, and then only for a few moments. I hardly remebered what he looked like, so I could be forgiven for being a little apprehensive about "meeting" him again. Really, I shouldn't have been. Justin is very likable, and very, very funny in a dry sort of way, and I am glad that this side of the family has been completed. I am glad to see my sister so happy...it makes me happy.
I made the two of them pose in the living room, not the best of settings, for blog-fodder, and they were best when they were being silly. I took the black and whites from their room, to steal some better pictures by some better photographer. All this to say, Welcome to the family, in person.

2006-09-04T15:06:00.000-07:00

It is the last day of summer. The campers are gone, the staff is gone, and we have time to breathe....aahhh....

2006-08-27T22:58:00.000-07:00

Here we are at Ashly's wedding in Temecula.

And here are Ashly and the bridesmaids before the wedding.

2006-08-19T10:21:00.000-07:00

When I talked to my sister Thursday,wondering when she and my mother would be heading up to Idyllwild for our weekend trip to San Diego and the zoo, I discovered that they would be up much earlier than the 3:30 to 4:00 my mother had originally planned on.
Immediately I started planning.
You see, Rosie had told some of us that she might get married out there in Pennsylvania, and the only drawback was that she would miss out on all of the fun, pre-wedding fun of showers and parties. We told her that we would still buy her lingerie...
Lisa and I went shopping with Rosie in mind a few dys after we heard the news of her elopement, and we were going to present her with her silky, pretty things when we next saw her, but knowing that she would be here with time to spare made me think that maybe, perhaps, I could throw a bridal shower with less than 24 hours to go on.
I called Lisa first, to make sure that I would have one other guest at least to attend, and then I called my favorite eating establishment up here, Cafe Aroma, and made a reseration for the Herb Jeffries room, and then I went to the local flower shop, Blossoms, and ordered a bouquet of greens and blues and whites.
I got home and called up Nancy, who we love and loves us, and invited her to the party at 12:30 the next day. "Don't worry about a gift, I know it's very late notice, and Lisa and I got her something." So I had two guests!
I called my mother and asked her if she had time to shop for some lingerie, and she informaed me that she was on the job.
I couldn't really do anything else, but I made a list including- buying some lotion-y type of things, getting balloons (how could I forget balloons), and making up some activites. Then Michelle, our camp lifeguard, came in, and I invited her! Three guests!
Then Paula Shirley walked by the door, and I invited her! Four Guests, plus Rosie and my Mother and I! The limit in the room was eight, so I had one more space.
I decided that I needed to call Justin, even though I would have to be deceitful and get Justin's number from Rosie, who was sure to be suspicious. I did the deed, and called him, and asked him all sorts of romantic questions, which was very fun. Then I cut up some old silk hankerchefs that had once belonged to my Great-Aunt Connie, in blue and green. I had a camp cooks meeting and Kelly came here and was invited- and we had five guests!!! We went shopping for the balloons, lotions, potions and oils, and some other little things. I appointed Kelly as the set-up girl, and went home to greet my newly arrived family.

I arrived back at home at 12:00, talked my sister and mother (who had fake protests) into going "out to eat" and found babysitters for the babies, and we were off!
When we got to Cafe Aroma, everyone had gifts for Rosie! The bouquet was on the table, and the balloons were tied to the backs of the chairs. The squares of silk were hung by one window, and as we waited to order, we wrote a prayer down for Rosie and Justin and their marrigae, and then as we waited for food, we read them off. After we got our delicious food- rigatoni funghi for me, the peasant lunch for Rose- I read off the answers to the questions I had asked Justin, such as, "What do you love about Rosie?" "In a word- brilliant. She's the smartest person I know..." to "I like the way she looks at me." It was sweet, and we all got to know Justin better.
After we ate, Rosie opened her gifts, from nice to slightly naughty, but not really naughty, because she's now married and it's all nice, you know. She got a book on the five love languages, a hand carved nativity set, and many frilly and lovely things.

All this, and I forgot to take pictures!

2006-08-13T14:54:00.000-07:00

All of our guests are gone. It was an exciting week, a little bit like an invasion of people from my prime staff girl days. Chad and Tricia and Isabella, John, Lisa, Noah Lynch, Grant Jaffarian....all people I worked on staff with, or were campers while I was on staff ten years ago. It was a really wonderful, and I'm a little sad about everyone being gone. My house feels so BIG.

2006-08-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

Speaking of getting married, Ashly Reeves will be married in 9 days!

2006-08-08T17:11:00.000-07:00

Sharon Rose Paulson has gotten married!!!!
Sharon and Justin were married this morning in Lancaster, Pennsylvania...there will be a reception in October, probably, in California!
Congratulations!

2006-08-03T09:58:00.000-07:00

Back in Idyllwild, and I'm a little bit cold. The heat wave, out here, at least, has broken, and I am back in the regular schedule of Camp, and work at the Inn, and seeing Josh seldomly and the staff kids a lot.
Writing on staff kids...
I was talking to my friends Jim and Dave Richard, and the rest of their family about how important it is for college age people to get involved with youth. Jim was saying that he didn't feel like he did much good when he was one of our youth leaders, and my sister and I straightened him out.
It's not just Jim- it seems like my later childhood and teen years were influenced most strongly by men and women in their early twenties...and later twenties and early thirties.
I think the power of their influence comes from a lot of things- the people that affected me weren't too old- they didn't have kids and families yet, and weren't distracted, and they loved Jesus. They were cool, but not detached. Older, but not inaccessible. And they actually seemed like they liked to hang out with me.
In my early twenties I worked on staff with a bunch of fifteen year olds, and at times, it was maddening, but most of the time I loved it. Somehow those girls became some of my best freinds today- and I have been very grateful that our early relationship was based on some mutual admiration that could stretch over years.
So, Jimmy and Davy, thanks for being my youth group leaders, and not just because you introduced me to Lisa. Thanks for being Christians at 21 or 26, and letting me see it.
And thanks too, to Eric Jimenez and Margie Keyser. And Dave, Mike and Kim Tapley. Chris Slater, Dan Bloomer, Dale Wellman, Mike Slauser, Skippy whoever-you-are, and the multitude of Summer Ministry Teams, Camp Counselors, and Youth Workers who made me capable of enjoying fifteen year olds, still.

2006-07-21T22:04:00.000-07:00

For Jack Richard- a man with great taste in music, most of the time.

Saturday night I was downtown
Working for the FBI
Sitting in a nest of bad men
Whisky bottles piling high

Bootlegging boozer on the west side
Full of people who are doing wrong
Just about to call up the DA man
When I heard this woman singing a song

A pair of 45's made me open my eyes
My temperature started to rise
She was a long cool woman in a black dress
Just a 5'9", beautiful tall
Well, just one look I was a bad mess
'Cos that long cool woman had it all

I saw her headin' to the table
With a tall walking big black cat
Well Charlie said I hope that you're able boy
'Cos I'm telling you she knows where it's at
When suddenly we heard the sirens
And everybody started to run
I jumped down and across the table
When I heard somebody shooting a gun

Well the DA was pumping my left hand
And then she was a-holding my right
Well I told her don't get scared
'Cos you're gonna be spared
Well I've gotta be forgiven
If I wanna spend my living
With a long cool woman in a black dress
Just a 5'9", beautiful tall
Well, with just one look I was a bad mess
'Cos that long cool woman had it all

Had it all

(May there be no end to stories about him.)

2006-07-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

God brings things together in amazing ways. My best friend, Lisa, just spent two weeks with us as she "trained" for her new job up here at Camp. Two weeks, and I still miss her.
I can't explain how amazing it is that she'll be living in Idyllwild- the only place we have ever lived together- but I am thankful that God brought her up here, and that she has a heart for ministry.

2006-07-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

Spat has paid off- she caught her first (and second) mouse the other night. Good job, Molly's replacement.

2006-07-13T10:02:00.000-07:00

Spatterdash, or Spat the Cat, would have been named Mousey if Bowden had had the last say, but we decided that Mousey wasn't the best name for this cat. Josh read a poem about pirates boarding a ship, and the insuing fight- with "brains all spatterdashed" on the paint, and there she was! We got this cat at the Ramona Humane Society, in San Jacinto. The night before, we were playing cards and little mice kept running all about, so the cat is a functional member of our home. No lazy bones!
We had criteria for picking her out- small, healthy, active, female- Josh wanted vicious, and Bowden wanted black. Spat was the first cat we saw, but we went all around and looked at them all- we saw a couple others that fit the bill, but when we went back by Spat, she put her paw out to grab us, and she was ours.
This cat is good- better than I could have imagined. She is very clean, friendly, but best of all, she does not react when the kids get in her face or grab her tail. Sometimes she runs away, but generally she purrs and rubs herself against them. She took all of ten minutes to feel at home in our house.
Our last cat, Molly, was a great mouser, but a terror to be around. She was jaded.
Spatterdash so far has not caught any mice, but she has found all of the places that the mice in our house frequent, and we haven't found any droppings, or caught any in our traps since she's joined the team.

2006-07-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Our new cat, Spatterdash.

2006-07-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

The Fourth of July parade started at 10:00am this morning, and my family walked with the Camp Maranatha staff. We've done it every year- last year I walked it nin months pregnant!
Bowden sat in the cart, and Lucy rode in her stroller long past naptime, and di not go to sleep.
It was fun- one of the perks of small town life is that you know most of the people you walk past.

2006-07-03T23:56:00.000-07:00

The Paparazzi caught up with us at the local Greek food hangout- we were all trying to eat our meal in peace, and the cameras began to flash.
It's hard being cool.

2006-07-03T23:52:00.000-07:00

I am a lucky girl- walking home from work, I saw a white-headed wood pecker, which is a pretty rare bird up here, usually. It's a bad picture, but I was giddy to see it, and maybe someone will enjoy it.

2006-07-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

Broken glasses. What a shame.

2006-07-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

Someone, some unknown person, has erected a multitude of ebenezers in the local shopping area- near the cafe. As we came up on the stacks of rocks, I was impressed with the number of them- when did this person or persons stack these?
In the Bible, the ebenzer was a memorial stone- commemorating God's provision and power. I always imagine it as stacks, inaccurately, but the picture sticks.
What are these stacks celebrating or remembering?
Most likely, they have been erected in honor of having "too much time." It may be worth remembering...

2006-07-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

I have been coming up to Camp Maranatha for years- since I was eight- and I have always loved the Ten-Lined June Beetles that live up here. I always called them june bugs, even though the beetles we call june bugs where I grew up were ugly brown.
We have a lot of history, these june bugs and me. The first summer I worked on staff, one of the boys on staff said that he would eat a june bug...so my sister and this other staff boy named Jeremy Redfield found a dead one and cooked it up over a citronella candle, accidentally dropping it in a couple times. Declaring it inedible, the staff boy sent them off for a second june bug, which they delivered, and he crunch, crunch, ate right up.
I was not in favor of the eating of the june bug, not because it was gross, which it was , or unnecessary, which it was, but because I love june bugs. ,
Now, these june bugs are strange enought to frighten any camper who doesn't know them- but once the acquaintance is made, it's hard not to love them. They have lovely pale mossy green backs with white lines, and their antennae is really exotic! When they want to look fierce they fan them out and lift up their front legs to grapple with an enemy. I don't know if this strategy ever works, but when I was younger, a number of june bugs lost their legs in my fingers because they hung on so tight.
I saw my first one of the summer yesterday, June 30th, and am now feeling celbratory about the summer. Hooray!
(And by the way, Josh doesn't eat june bugs any longer.)

2006-06-26T22:29:00.000-07:00

I sat at my table and enjoyed my house, and you can enjoy it, too.

2006-06-23T16:48:00.000-07:00

Home again, from the Valley and my newly returned sister. I have changed the babe's carseats no less than nine times since she left, and I do not want to do it again.

I kept meaning to take a picture of my favorite tree- the Jacaranda- but I forgot. They are blooming beautifully all over the valley- they leave such a nice purple carpet when their blooms drop, too.

So, no pictures of the tree, because I felt guilty stealing someone else's photos, and all the Jacaranda trees in the pictures were Australian or African. My friend Sandy was the first to tell me that she had seen them in Africa, and thereby made the trees remind me of her.

I love the Valley- and it has colored my talk and personality dramatically. I say "like" all of the time, I am "grossed out" when something smells bad, and I Love the mall.
Despite all that, the San Fernando Valley is beautiful, and I am glad to be from it. That said, I don't want to drive the two and a half hours for a while.
Oh! And we were permanently lent a car, which we hope not to overuse, by Bob and Betty Crimi. We have been abundantly provided for, and then some.

2006-06-18T23:31:00.000-07:00

We didn't have a chance to really celebrate- but I did get home at 11:15, and by 11:40 we exchanged very strange gifts, and went to sleep. I came home to quite a sight...a ballon with Josh's picture taped to it, and five beautiful wild flower arrangements- Josh scouted them out and picked them for me...with azaleas, bush monkeyflowers, golden yarrow, ferns, and lupines, and a manzanita branch or two.

And a cherry coke!!!

2006-06-16T09:49:00.000-07:00

Five years ago, Josh and I were married.

The ceremony was over, and we turned and went down the aisle, holding hands. As we were walking, Josh's mother leaned out and said, "Your ring! It's on the wrong finger!!"
We looked, and, sure enough, I had put Josh's ring on his right hand.
We had been holding hands through the entire service, and hadn't ever let go, not even when we exchanged rings. We hadn't even noticed.

I love my husband, for more things than I can name. What joy I find on this planet is made more joyful because I share it with him, and what sorrow finds me is eased by his companionship.

2006-06-15T23:33:00.000-07:00

This is a photo of my hero, Tony Rini. He's my first cousin- the closest thing I have to a brother outside of Tates, andone of the greatest guys ever. He came over and spent a hot few hours putting my grandma's spare tire on. One of the important tools broke and he went and bought another one, came back, and made my life a little better.
To be honest, Tony does things like this for me all of the time- just like his dad and mom and brother. I would be lost without them, and so, Tony, I salute you.

2006-06-15T14:11:00.000-07:00

Today is not the best day for Sarah and cars. Driving this morning, the car died twice, sounded weird, and had no working speedometer. I made it to breakfast with my Grandma at Las Lomas, but had to eventually borrow her huge car to drive to my mom's house....you can read more about it on my husband's blog.
Almost at home, I turned a corner too close and hit the curb- it sounded more like I crushed the car, and it felt funny, but I drove the hundred feet home and found that the tire had burst.
I never feel as helpless as when I have car trouble. I need to remedy it, but the problem is when I see this,

I get out this and this,

and think, now what?
My cousin Tony is over doing me a solid, so hopefully it will get better from here on out. Especially if I don't drive anywhere.

2006-06-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

There is a certain confidence,
a certainty of Light.
There is a careless radiance
in which luminares delight
And in the shame of darkness
is the constant closeted spite
against those who thrive in sunshine
by those who cower in Night.

7/31/02

2006-05-31T23:59:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday to my best friend, Lisa.
Everybody needs a friend who you know will remember all the things you're going to forget, but don't want to.
If you don't know Lisa, you're missing out.
I love you! I hope your birthday was well celebrated.

P.S. I love you so much I put this really awful picture of me up, because you look so darn good. Lymysy, Lidiri. Muh.

2006-05-31T23:26:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day in Idyllwild means lots of tourists and loads of garage sales. There are more garage sales than one might believe possible in a smallish community like Idyllwild. Most are full of junk, but once in a while you'll come across a den the likes of which even the forty thieves could not dream up, and Josh did just that on Friday.
The people having the sale were both retired teachers who must love to read, and they were moving to Oregon to boot, which means that they had almost everything you could imagine for sale. It was wonderful. We bought a boatload of books- four for a dollar, hardcover and six for a dollar, paperback. Josh bought a few unusual items that might make it to Vermont as Christmas presents, and Bowden was given a hand mixer that he took with him for the remainder of the day. We also found a lot of neat Christmas decorations for our next Christmas Fantastic (one big bag for a dollar) and a little toy house for toy rabbits and furniture, all included, one dollar. Rosie bought a pair of there's-no-place-like-home-red shoes, which Bowden helpfully modeled all weekend long, and Bowden found a nearly whole tin airplane at another sale for ten cents.
After the glory of the first sale, we could not stnad to sift through the gore for the good, so we gave up on yard sailing for the year.
Our friends Paul and Cyndi Hutchins were up, as well as my mom and Rosie, and two of our staff girls spent their down time at our house, so we were bustling all weekend. I loved the company and activity.
Monday we went to the old-fashioned candy store in town, the Candy Cupboard. It's a wonderful smelling place, and while in town we were able to enjoy the other part of Memorial Day Weekend- the tourists. Idyllwild attracts a lot of different people, and it becomes a fun place to people watch, especially if you like looking at Harley Bikers. They like Idyllwild.
My mom and Rosie and the kids and I bought dipped ice cream bars and frozen banans and listened to the sweet sounds of karaoke riding the smoke from the cookout at the restaurant across the street. Then we went and played on the fake grass in the shopping center on the opposite corner.
The weekend ended with a barbeque at our friends the White's House, and I didn't even get sick of anyone but myself. I did end up getting sick the next day, but what can you do? There are consequences for so much fun.

2006-05-31T22:50:00.000-07:00

2006-05-31T21:55:00.000-07:00

2006-05-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

Sharon Rose Paulson was born on May 24, 1979 to a loving family at a hospital in Tarzana, California. Happy Birthday, Rosie!!
We celebrated by having breakfast with Uncle Tony and Grandma, then went to lunch at Chili's in Northridge, the n had a rocking good time at the mall. We also got Starbucks somewhere in there, and then went to our Uncle Tony and Aunt Marlene's house for a birthday barbeque by the pool.

2006-05-24T01:58:00.000-07:00

I love my little sister, and I pray that this next year is one of discovery and Light.

2006-05-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

There is nothing so wonderfully blue as the neon blue tail of baby skinks. We find at least one every Spring under some stick or rock, and they are impossible to miss. Usually I think that I am seeing some litter on the ground, so bright is the tail of a skink. Bowden knew immediately what this little thing was- he remembered from last year.
I am not a huge reptile fan, but I love this little lizard the way I love puppies and kittens...and big, fuzzy bees.
(The fuzziness of the edge of my picture is from a a friendly little Bowden holding my camera at dinner. )

2006-05-19T00:13:00.000-07:00

Now that Winter has finally given up the ghost here in Idyllwild, I will pull out the shots of my beautiful drainpipe. It made an even more beautiful clanging and whooshing when I knocked it with a stick after I took pictures of it.
I like ice only when I am hot.

2006-05-18T23:24:00.000-07:00

My sister Rosie and I once hired ourselves out to people at our church to earn money for a youth group retreat, and we ended up being hired by a woman named Natalie to do a number of strange and interesting jobs- feed the goats, waitress a house costume party, undercook asparagas...most interestingly, we went to Natalie's "mentor's" house and helped him fix the brickwork outside of his house, and weeded his extensive yard, which was incredibly large for that area of the San Fernando Valley. There were some amazing trees and bushes on the property, and the old man took great joy showing us around and telling us all about it.
It felt like we were somewhere outside of time.
He had a huge Tower of Pallets on his property, and inside there was a grave stone, which he said was the marker of the grave of a child, and I remember thinking that it seemed like a pleasant place to be buried- very still and isolated.
He was a nice man, who predicted the fight his family would have over his property once he died, and he was full of stories, and full of appreciation for our listening. He took a picture of us and Natalie standing on the pallets, which were leaning precariously.
I stumbled on the website about the Tower while looking for pictures of Sepulveda. I hear that the Tower has fallen down, but no mention of the grave or it's marker.

2006-05-17T11:09:00.000-07:00

Visitors are coming!
Uncle Job is here- and Aunt Lisa is coming tomorrow! Aunt Rosie is driving from far away, and all this to say, I have no time to type here in the office.
And I am working- we have a camp in this week, and we are short on staff. So it's off to the kitchen I go.

The children are still alive.

2006-05-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

The camp office was located in our house up until last fall, and it is so nice to have it moved, except for the trek down to the building it is now in, late at night, with scary noises and imaginings all around...
The building that the office is now in is an old bunkhouse, built at least 40 years ago, and it is the home to the nicest bees I have ever seen- carpenter bees.
While bees are usually very worrisome, these bees are actually quite nice- I read a website that called them chubby- which they are- and said that while they don't usually sting, they will, if they are squeezed.
Do NOT squeeze the bees, please.
They are large and furry, and mostly black- but like most black things in nature, they are really a shiny bluish-purple. I love these bees.
I keep the door open while I am in the office just for the sound they make. In the morning they buzz furiously around- everywhere!
But in the late afternoon, they settle down and hover...and they make such a homey humming. They will stay in one spot unless you come too close, but they don't seem to be bothered, they just move up a bit.

In this picture, one is hovering, but hidden. It's a "Where's Waldo" with a bee.
There are at least 30 of them on the back side of the building, and at times there are as many as ten flying right by the front of the building- I haven't ever been as close to this many large insects before, and I am shocked that I am not nervous.
They do sometimes fly into the office, and head straight for the window. They don't get excited- they just settle down and crawl about, looking for an exit. Alas! Several have quietly died this way.

Lucy, on one of our walks down to the office to see Daddy, was playing on the floor, when we had the typical, "What does she have in her mouth?"
"It's a bee!!"
We scrambled to get it out- dead before she put it in her mouth, but probably not nearly as wet and gummed. She was scared by our frenzy, but not hurt, so I guess she really didn't squeeze too hard, or these bees do not sting after death.

It was a lot like this picture, but with a big, dead, black bee.

2006-05-11T22:08:00.000-07:00

The place to plant a garden is hard to find at camp. It has dry, poorly nourished soil, and the ground squirrels, chipmunks and rabbits will probably eat all the little shoots before they become anything resembling a vegetable.
I would still like a garden, and here is the place. A little tree-bush recently gave out under the weight of a sudden three feet of snow, and I think that it was meant to be- my garden by the car-port!
I have pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds and a exciting array of vegatable seeds to start inside...it is a late start, and I am not a good gardener, but I have determined to have a jar filled with my own pickled cucumbers-from Abby's recipe, I hope.
It needs some work, but I can't wait for the dirt to be nice and turned and ready for growth. As soon as I get a babysitter, this garden will happen.

2006-05-07T23:17:00.000-07:00

Last fall we were nearly flooded out of our homes by pine nuts. We live in the midst of a pine forest, and the wonderfully wet year following years of drought made the pine trees very prolific.
The squirrels loved it, the birds loved it, and I even collected a few cup-fulls of pine nutes to crack and send to my pesto-making mother-in-law...although they sit prettily in a cup in my house still, and little mice find them and eat them under our armchairs...
We had late snow this spring, and wonder of wonders- new baby pine trees! They are very sweet, like little umbrellas with caps.
If ever a plant made me want to pick it up and kiss and hug it, it would be a baby pine. (Jeffrey Pines, for those who care.)